bar wotever.. long black coat

Another trip to Bar wotever now.. starting to feel I'm part of it all now. I am being noticed - i can see people looking at me and it's not feeling so weird now, I'm a lot less self conscious and making more of an effort to look like someone worth looking at too. Tonight I wore my long asymetrical grey skirt which is so flattering its not true, and makes me walk the way women should! I teamed it with high heeled court shoes and a simple black tee shirt top, and my long black gothy coat. It was all worth it when a young woman came up to me, demanded a twirl and told me I looked spectacular. 

Also, upon leaving work, I bumped into one  of our female managers in TfL. Because we often worked late in the same office she was aware of my "feminine" side, so when I came out she wasn't too surprised. She was standing on the platform at St James' Park and I said hello. We chatted on the way to Victoria... felt so normal! 

On the negative side, there was a door charge which i wasn;t expecting so I had only a few quid left for one drink.. but that's probably positive.. i should drink less. Also it was extremely crowded in there tonight and i ended up standing at the end of the bar near the toilets, and once the acts had finished i made a move! 

one of tonight's acts - a dancer

Lou Reed

I origonally linked to a documentary about Lou, but that has now been removed, so here's the latest NME. Says it all really.

The Magic Theatre

pics and website here >> http://www.magic-theatre.co.uk/pages/gallery-pictures.php

I'm crap at costumes... but i decided to try to enter into the spirit as much as I could. I had this spooky looking top with batwing sleeves, so teamed it with a lacey skirt and a long black coat and went to the ball. 

I still think my make up might be too subtle for anything but daytime.. I really should have ramped it up a bit.. Never mind. There's next time. also will try to get myself a proper dress to wear too!!

The Look I'm Looking For: clue

my gyspy look

I've always thought the gypsy look suited me - this is my latest attempt at achiving it.. and a couple of new items in my wardrobe, the green skirt and the shrug, helped me get there! 

Now I am Stella!!

Last weekend I travelled to my home town, and where my family mostly still live, in order that I break the news of my gender transitioning to my parents.

My sister came along for moral support. We were sitting at the table ready to break the news, I was prevaricating, obviously nervous, and my mum kept getting up to do stuff, like make tea. My sister threw me a couple of looks as if to say, what the hell is going on here!! So i bit the bullet, while my mum was in the kitchen i went out there and told her.

In the end my mother decided that it would be best if my Dad did not find out for now. She implied she would broach the subject herself at some point, but now I'm left with distinct impression that she is hoping he may never have to know. She herself is absolutely fine about it and I kind of wish I'd told her years ago.

I was warned off turning up at my sister's wedding next year as Stella. Sadly. It will turn, for me, what could have been a true celebration and a fun event into a rather trying episode that I'll just need to get through. Hopefully it'll be the last ever time I have to wear a man suit. I still have mine so as long as it fits me next September I'll be OK.

Of course I might make my excuses and not turn up.

Anyway - my mission to be out and proud as a trans-woman called Stella is almost complete. The three legs of trans sustainability have been completed... getting work support... getting support from friends and now getting support from family. the next step is actual transition. I feel I'm approaching this in exactly the right way though, having established myself so thoroughly as Stella, the arbitrary rule of insisting that transgendered people live for two years as their true gender but BEFORE they are allowed to have any treatment might not seem so harsh.

Observation

There seems to be an enormous disparity between the risks involved in getting crossing roads to get to a supermarket, and the fact that all the fucking food is shrink wrapped in various layers of plastic to prevent the extremely remote risk that someone might inject something nasty into them.

a pissy day

It just rained today.

When Did The Telegraph Start Becoming the Voice of Reason?

A survey shows many first-class train seats remain empty during rush hours, raising demands for more standard seating to ease commuter overcrowding

I am a woman trapped in a man's body

I've tried to keep it a secret for some time now. not to everyone, but i have been guarded about who i tell. No more!!

I am now out. the process started a while ago - last summer probably - when i told my then girl friend prior to us hooking up - in fact it was the first thing i told her when we first physically met at a pub, over a drink. she was wonderful about it and that gave me more confidence.

Last summer i went out as a female on a couple of occasions and started integrating some female clothing and a more feminine hair-style into my normal daily look.

this year I threw away the bulk of my male clothing - as I had lost weight, none of it fitted me, and replaced them with women's clothes... bootcut jeans... fitted jackets and tops... cardigans... and a woman's military style jacket from F&F which i wear daily!

I told my boss back in February that I was seeking gender reassignment (and i hadn't even seen my doctor back then), worked out a schedule for telling my closest colleagues, told my friends, came out on Twitter and Facebook, and finally came out fully at work just last month.

Now its time to come out on blogger. I've had the odd idiot take the piss but nothing serious, and nothing that is going to stop me from fullfilling my dream, that of living as a woman full time for the rest of my life.

Anyway i  mention this now because I have had a blog for my female persona quite some time. and I have now begun the process of integrating both my blogs.

My female self, Stella, me now, started out in life, probably around 1999, with no name whatsoever, and was of very little substance, other than a few outfits and the odd midnight walk. I'd been cross-dressing as a young child, but the idea that there might be an actual female personality waiting to escape was not somehting i was even willing to consider until around 2007.

In 2006 I named her Stevie. Crap name I know, but it was obvious and easy. In 2008 I decided on Elizabeth, or Liz, but by the end of last year I knew that name was not for me. suddenly the reality of becoming female and having a female name focussed my mind. I consutled friends and Stella was born. The rest is history. My history. Her history.

Today on Twitter

25 years long service

today on twitter

Woolwich foot tunnel a year after Greenwich council spent millions on a refurb

http://853blog.com/2013/05/15/city-hall-asked-to-probe-greenwich-council-foot-tunnels-fiasco/

St James' Park today

One of the great things about working in central London is the chance to spend time in iconic locations such as St James' Park, with or without a camera. Today was with...

birds ligging around the park

yo, girl, you lookin' fine

ninja squirrel

perfect pose

News stories today:

A chronic shortage of social housing is making life hell for thousands of people with disabilities

55 Broadway

finally - after 25 years with the Underground and not so much as a meeting at 55 Broadway until a couple of years ago, I am actually working there.

Not for long as it is being sold off - but while I'm there, I will enjoy working there! 

The Day I Bottled It

homegrown chillies

frozen sprats

incoming - bought this for 1p

my Ebay pile - outgoing

 I was due to go out this afternoon. Even got myself ready (below) and bought a rail ticket. Then I just failed to leave the house. Seem to have had a crisis of confidence.

new badger badge

In my role as lead badger person for the London Underground - this new badge is entirely appropriate, and I wear it with pride.

my in between look

In order to be able to function at work without freaking everyone out and allowing myself to stay true to the real me, I am developing an in between look - somewhere between male and female. This might be the most complete example of that look to date. As you may be aware, I no longer own male clothes apart from a few tee shirts and a couple of over-sized suits which i will ebay at some point. This is me in ladies' trousers, black tee shirt top and a long cardigan. I feel it lends me a very subtle and understated feminity, and with the eye make-up, i was really pleased! I can't say that every day, unfortunately. some days i really cock it up badly!

new skirt

Little makes me happier than having a lovely brand new skirt

feeling ill

An ear infection has brought me down... made me take time off work. So, in order to combat the way i felt i decided to try to look as close to my best as i could manage...  which involved some tights i bought just a few days earlier... and a lot of eye make up!!