Monday, December 27, 2010

The War You Don't See



Click on the little square in the bottom right of the image to get a full screen version

An Open Letter from Gaza: Two Years After the Massacre, a Demand for Justice


by Gazans Seeking Justice
27gaza-war-crimes.jpg

December 27, 2010 - We, the Palestinians of the Besieged Gaza Strip, on this day, two years on from Israel's genocidal attack on our families, our houses, our roads, our factories and our schools, are saying enough inaction, enough discussion, enough waiting -- the time is now to hold Israel to account for its ongoing crimes against us. On the 27th of December 2008, Israel began an indiscriminate bombardment of the Gaza Strip. The assault lasted 22 days, killing 1,417 Palestinians, 352 of them children, according to mainstream human rights organizations. For a staggering 528 hours, Israeli Occupation Forces let loose their US-supplied F15s, F16s, Merkava Tanks, internationally prohibited white phosphorous, and bombed and invaded the small Palestinian coastal enclave that is home to 1.5 million, of whom 800,000 are children and over 80 percent UN registered refugees. Around 5,300 remain permanently wounded...
continua / continued avanti - next [73324] [ 27-dec-2010 19:30 ECT ]

The History of The Cat In 100 Objects

Object Number One

Inspired by the radio four series, and the Collins and Herring version on 6Music, I've decided to do my own. I have no idea where this is going to take me over the course of the next 300 days or so. Hope you can follow me throughout this blogging experiment.

The first object is this:




I'm cheating slightly as my Mother isn't one of those sentimental mums who kept their kid's stuff in the attic; she started giving away my stuff even when I was still a kid - so therefore I do not own this toy any more. I first noticed when I couldn't find my Asterix books, which I hadn't even stopped reading!! No doubt she'd been giving my old stuff away for years but it was the Asterix books that were the first thing that I noticed because I hadn't finished with them! I was pretty upset at the time and still can't forgive and forget.

A few years later when I tried to retrieve my Top Trump and Mini Trump sets she'd done the same with them. No good trying to look after anything when you're living in my mum's house!

As for school books, drawings and that sort of thing - no chance!!

Last year she even told me that she'd begun considering chucking out the old photographs. I quickly made it clear that she was to pass them to me for scanning before throwing any of them out. So far I've got a couple of albums worth. I want to start working through my childhood photos asap, but that is for another blog.

This toy was one I owned around 1977 (I was about 10). It tied in with a Bond film - at that time I went to see every Bond film as it arrived in Plymouth, though that stopped when Octopussy came out. It looked like complete shite to me. Still haven't seen it.

The car had little hidden wheels to drive around on, and when you clicked the button it sprouted fins and a tail for submarine use. It also fired little orange missiles which inevitably got lost over time. Or the parents put them in the bin to stop me firing them across the living room while the news was on.

I had craved the all dancing version of the Aston Martin James Bond car which my friend had, and to be honest, the Lotus wasn't as good.

I used to have a lot of toy cars at the time - and pretty much wrecked most of them over time. When I got fed up with playing with them I used to try to wreck them - by putting in dents, smashing them together, etc. Though toy cars were pretty tough in those days. I think this Lotus was probably the last of the toy cars I ever owned as I started asking for records from about 1978 onwards, and toy cars suddenly became childish.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Christmas day is over, but we're still right in the middle of the Xmas period - the week that follows Xmas where we sit about stuffed with Turkey and Ham, suffering from acid reflux, and still drinking port and expensive beer from 11.00 in the morning.

I excused myself from the gorge fest this year. It does me no good at all. It's not as if I exactly deny myself the good stuff through the year. All Xmas offers is the chance to fill up on stuff I really like very much, like meat, cheese, chocolate, puddings and cakes. Meat does not suit me, I have an intolerance to both sugar and dairy, and my abilty to put down alcoholic drinks is much less than it used to be. Somewhere along the line I stopped practicing, so really after three beers, I've had more than enough.

I stayed in London. Two years ago I spent it with my parents and my sister. Three years ago I spent it with my wife and her family. This year I had one of those "sad lonely" Xmas that we're all programmed to recognise as some sort of failure. But it was absolute bliss. I had a chance to catch up (a bit)with all my backlogs - reading, listening and surfing. I also caught up with my laundry, sorted out my paperwork, and got a couple of stress free early nights.

Now that I've shrugged off the stress from work, I have a week to get some good stuff done. One of those things is sort out this blog. I have been rearranging the sidebar (right). I want it to stay up to date - which will require a lot less neglact from me. In the bar I'm going to link to the many good websites I come across during my daily surfing. i've started a few new sections - people's history - which so far has an excellent web page about the 1984/85 miners' strike. It's the best article I've seen so far recognising that agent provocateurs were used, that the police personalised the dispute and went well beyond their legal powers, and that press coverage was anything but balanced. also, lest we forget, the Labour Party disgracefully refused to support the strike, and once again let down the ordinary working people who they were set up to work for. No wonder they remained out of power for so long. Ed Milliband's slapping down of the new Unison boss, Len McClusky, implies that Labour Party will continue down its road of sitting on the fence when it comes to standing up against a destructive Conservative government.

Under News Of The World I will attempt to link to recent news articles that I think have far reaching global importance. We'll see how long I can keep that going.

Apart from that trying to finish what I started when I intially set the side bar up several years ago. There's some good links on there, but I realise it hasn't changed in a long time, and some of the links are hideously out of date.

Here are some of the new links:

One of the best websites challenging the pure liquid shite being passed as science or informed opinion by the fucktarded self styled "climate skeptics" or deniers, or climate wankers as I have decided I quite like to refer to them when slightly inebriated two days after xmas.

Comments from a front line Tory - hates the LibDems and thinks there may be a 2011 general election: - how typical are his views I wonder?
Strangely, for different reasons I sort of agree with him. This coalition is one forged in the depth of the fictional and Christian hell, and by Satan himself. It deserves to be strangled in its infancy. Any chance that it should continue beyond the next few months is an affront to God himself. Am I being too dramatic? Whatever, bring on the General Election, I say, things are not looking good for the Evil Coalition.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Italian Bombs

Here we go again. In these days of the left being systematically attacked by the establishment, no surprise that anarchists should be targeted too.

Before damning Anarchists with these crimes, consider this quote from Francesco Cossiga, former head of secret services and Head of state of Italy, advised the 2008 minister in charge of the police, on how to deal with the protests from teachers and students:

“He should do what I did when I was Minister of the Interior. [...] infiltrate the movement with agents provocateurs inclined to do anything [...] And after that, with the strength of the gained population consent, [...] beat them for blood and beat for blood also those teachers that incite them. Especially the teachers. Not the elderly, of course, but the girl teachers yes”

Full text from http://rassegna.governo.it/testo.asp?d=32976406 - translated into English by google so it doesn't quite work :/

More on Agents provocateurs in the coming weeks...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Another Reason Why You should Never Vote Labour Again


The link is to a Guardian article

"Lady Taylor of Bolton – Ann Taylor – was minister for defence equipment for a year until 2008[, then] minister for international defence and security...has become an adviser to a French arms firm that supplies the government with billions of pounds worth of equipment."
Good to see that Labour is continuing its traditional of pacificism ; I like to see a poltician with prinicples(sarcasm - Ed). Ann Taylor's principles are clearly only about her bank balance and her personal standing.

Isn't it time we consigned the Labour Party to the rubbish bin of history for good?

Ann taylor's record as an MP? I think warmonger would not be too strong a word. I got this from a very useful website called They Work For You:


  • Voted very strongly for introducing foundation hospitals.votes
  • Voted strongly for Labour's anti-terrorism laws.votes
  • Has never voted on replacing Trident.
  • Voted moderately for introducing ID cards.votes
  • Voted very strongly for the Iraq war.votes
  • Voted strongly against an investigation into the Iraq war.votes


Here she is having a go at the Tories for appointing ex-army chief General Sir Richard Dannatt as adviser to the Tories during Lords questions on 3 November 2009.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/democracylive/hi/house_of_lords/newsid_8332000/8332254.stm

Is that worse than a "socialist" using their privileged position in an elected left wing government to secure, first, a position in the unelected House of Lords, and secondly a position with an arms dealer selling arms to a British Tory government?

Captain Beefheart





Saturday, December 18, 2010

December Will Be Tragic

I've made it another December. My birthday uncelebrations were two weeks ago - I've never understood why people celebrate getting older, or is it that people celebrate still being alive as it becomes ever more likely that you might just not wake up, or keel over in a second?

This week I was confirmed in my post at work. I scored highly in a skills and performance assessment and so have been saved from cuts this time. London Underground's Safety and environment Department - where I work - is undergoing cuts of around 33% to its personnel. the cuts are pre-entive; not yet due to government cuts, we won't see them until the conclusions of Project Horizon being conducted for TFL. Contrary to expectation, it turns out it has nothing to do with building a military base on the Moon, but is a re view of everything that TFL does - street maintenance, bus stop maintenance, regulate and run buses, etc. It will eventually dictate the course of budget cuts which will arrive in the next financial year.

Cuts to LU's Safety Department are being justified by the huge improvement in our safety performance in the few years. Less accidents = less safety staff required. But the counter argument would be, whether the huge improvement in safety can be sustained without proactive safety advisors being able to put themselves out on the front line where they need to be. For safety please read safety and environment, a bit much for me to keep typing. The feeling amongst advisors is that we may end up being stretched far too thinly, and my fears that environment will be taking a back seat to safety, and that environmental advisors will be required to take up quality and safety work possibly to the detriment of our environmental work. Still all this is up in the air and to be seen when I go back to work in 2011.

Personally, my main concern is to keep myself in gainful employment until this bunch of charlatans and crooks that call themselves a government are cast back into opposition. Though of course, by then the Labour Party may have reconstituted itself back into being the useless pro-capitalist warmongering neo-fascists (not a word I use lightly) that they were under Blair, and therefore fit for government once again.


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Anarchist groups threaten to target Royal Wedding

This article from the Telegraph, written by good old Andy Bloxham again:

My fatuous comments in the cooper black font

Protest groups yesterday threatened to target the Royal Family and promised the riots that turned parts of central London into a battleground on Thursday were “just the beginning”.

By Andy Bloxham and Martin Evans 8:30AM GMT 11 Dec 2010

Groups of rioters said the worst was yet to come and warned of “many more assaults on royals [sic]”.

The organised groups are likely to be joined by the loose gangs of masked teenagers who were responsible for much of the violence and vandalism in Parliament Square.

The threats raise the spectre of a vicious circle of increasingly hardened rioters forcing the police into tougher action, which is used as a pretext for further violence. [which will be used as a pretext for preemptive police violence – or threats; similar to how the MayDay protesters were thwarted starting in the late 1990s]

According to the Daily Express, an internet campaign is already building to stage a major demonstration on Prince William and Kate Middleton's wedding day. Websites linked to a range of groups have posted obscene messages [cunts!!] about the couple while trying to combine a demo against the Royals with a May Day protest against big business.

One website says: “Royal Wedding marks the beginning of the end of capitalism.”

It says: “The weekend of the 29th April 2011 is the date that will mark the raising of consciousness of mainstream society and their subsequent thinking and debating a money-less world.”

[Such good publicity from the telegraph there]

A wide range of organisations have mobilised their supporters into action in recent months and scores of splinter groups with varying political agendas were in evidence at the tuition fee protests on Thursday.

Among the more peaceful groups were Coalition of Resistance, which was launched by Tony Benn in August, which campaigns against the economic cuts in general; and Stop Fees and Cuts, which has similar aims.

However, others were more inclined to violence.

One was UK Uncut, a group campaigning against businesses accused of avoiding British tax.

Members of the organisation – which supports direct action – were successful in forcing Sir Philip Green’s flagship Topshop store to close last week.

Protestors claim the cuts being forced on the public sector would not need to be so harsh if large firms paid their full tax burden.

It is thought some of the demonstrators responsible for the attack on the car containing the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall were on their way towards the Oxford Street branch of Topshop when the incident occurred.

The Whitechapel Anarchist Group, which admitted being involved in trouble at the first demonstration at Millbank in November, promised the riots were “only the beginning”.

It threatened: “In order to win we need more violence on the streets. More smashed windows, more hospitalised coppers and many more assaults on royals.”

The [sic] praised every person who “landed a blow to a copper, a brick through a window or a dent in the car of the parasitic royals” as a “working class hero”.

The Socialist youth movement Revolution - some of whom stormed Millbank Tower - also urged its followers to take part.

Ahead of the demonstration, the group used its website to call for people to “shut down institutions, blockade and picket schools, colleges and universities”.

But among the anti-capitalist groups, the far left political organisations and anarchists was a large number of perhaps the most sinister individuals intent on hijacking the day and causing as much trouble as possible. [what apart from the police you mean?]

Gangs of teenage boys, most wearing balaclavas or scarves across their face, hid themselves among the students before forming groups of 20 or 30 once the police had sealed the area.

The youths, carrying weapons including hammers, attempted to lure other protesters into fights, systematically smashed windows of any building close by and burned anything flammable. Many students complained that they had been mugged or had their pockets picked.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said: “Whenever a demonstration is planned, an appropriate policing plan will be put into action.” [kettling and treating all protesters the same regardless of any actual illegal acts being committed]

A spokeswoman for the Royal family declined to comment.[cunts!!]

More Anti-Fox News From the Tory Press

This article is by someone called Andy Bloxham:

A couple discovered the problem when they took their car to a mechanic after noticing “small bits of debris” on the ground under the spot where they park their car.
The driver said: “The brake pad warning light came on when we next started up and the local garage cited fox damage.”
The mechanics then remembered a spate of similar problems being reported to them and the damaged parts were sent off to wildlife experts, who found teeth marks similar to those made by a juvenile fox.
The driver added that the experts warned “they like the taste of brake fluid and know how to find it”.
It is not the first such series of incidents.

A year ago, Kent Police investigated when several motorists said their cars had suffered damaged brake pipes and cables.
Professor Stephen Harris, an environmental scientist Bristol University, who studies urban foxes and helped in Kent, said at the time: “They love chewing things
“They also love lying under cars, particularly on cold nights. What could be better than resting out of harm's way, next to a large lump of warm metal and playfully passing the time by gnawing on the nearest piece of plastic or rubber?
“I told the police they were almost certainly looking for a young fox, under a year old, which was simply playing the games he had learnt as a cub.”
Experts believe the behaviour could be a result of the habits of vixens, which often bring old leather gloves or discarded rubber boots back to the den for her cubs to chew on.
Others speculate that foxes enjoy the slightly sweet flavour of brake fluid, a phenomenon which has been reported among stone martens in mainland Europe.
Nor are foxes the only culprits. In October, Wiltshire Police launched an investigation into vandalised brake cables in Swindon only to find evidence those responsible were grey squirrels.


Grey squirrels mind you - not decent BRITISH RED SQUIRRELS!!!!!!


(foams at mouth)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Student protests

The Telegraph's view

The Telegraph claim that the "trouble-makers" were boys, keen to keep their faces covered, but not mentioning the routine photographing of ALL protesters by police. These boys, branded "teenage vandals" by the Telegraph "strutted" around with sicks in their hands. These boys, far from being vandals, are intelligent and politicised by recent events. They have lived through the war on terror and the wholesale attack on citizens' rights, seen the violence carried out in the name of democracy and wetsenr values, upon thousands of innocent Afghani, Iraqi and Pakistani families, endlessly justified by faceless PR people and sold out politicians who go on about "spreading democracy" and "combatting terrorism". It seems that to the establishment violence is good. To them violence can promote freedom and democracy. The violence that states wield of course, is far more than the odd broken window or a smashed up police van. The violence of the state is unmanned drones wiping out villages, friendly fire, missiles aimed at demonstrating civilians or news agencies and journalists who refuse to tow the US official line; waterboarding, death squads wiping out suspects and their families and their associates, and anyone who might get in the way including many who innocent who were identified as "terorroists". This way we create more violence as the politicised children of the tortured and killed grow up with hatred in their hearts, and a burning desire for justice.

Violence is not good but you wouldn;t known that from the way our governments behave. To be honest, with the provocation of the last 31 years of right wing govenrment in the UK, I'm surprised the anti-state violence has been so restrained. If violence is OK for states to wield in the name of creating democracy then violence from citizens in the name of protecting rights and opposing the injustices of a government with no mandate is entirely justified.

I haven't even mentioned the way the police behaved in this demo - disgraceful!

police comments here

Student protester operated on after being 'hit with police baton'

I support the use of limited violence and damage to property in order to oppose the violence of the state. why shouldn;t I?


As for the poor royal couple who's good fortunes are entirely based on state violence


Oh boo hoo!


Can't wait until I see your heads on poles. The French know a thing or two about how to deal with Royals!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Badger Operation Ends

Finally, it's over. I went to the site today to seal the gates and declare the area no longer a badger sett. Actually, it'll be Natural England who do this; allowing us to carry out essential maintance work early next year, as long as we keep the entrances sealed, and the tunnels clear till work begins.

Now I have to provide a short report of what work I carried out and send it to NE.

I was accompanied to the site by two colleagues and a couple of contractors who drove us to the site, and assisted in the physical work.

Unfortunately the weather took a turn for the worse today, of all days, making it difficult to get to the site and making it very very cold on site. So I was unable to retrieve the gates as I wanted. At £60 a pop, I don;t want the civil engineers to put them in a skip, as they may well do if I'm not careful.

I will now put together an information pack on how to excude badgers, how to deal with Natural Englans, the legal situation, etc. so that others within my company can carry out the same exercise, potentially saving us thousands of pound of contractors' fees.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

After another long period of inactivity on the blog.

The long gap has been mainly because I've been working on two of my other blogs quite intensively. I would link them but they're still far from being ready for public consumption - if they ever will be that is. Though I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find them if you found this. Most of the rewrites I've been doing are still on the laptop; I'll need half a day set aside to upload it all and rearrange things so they fit in with my latest plan.

The best bit will be putting all the embarrassing photos up from 80s and 90s - and sending out links to all parties involved.

My badger operation has been ongoing. Pics to come. I have now fitted 5 one-way gates now, to each of the sett entrances. If you're a regular reader you'll remember I had originally thought there were only four entrances, but last week I was stunned to find a previously completely hidden 5th entrance. So I ahd to remove the debris covering it and install a further gate and fencing to ensure that the little critters can't get back in. Luckily they won't be able to do much more than try to dig their way back in at any weak spot I've inadvertantly left.

There has been a certain amount of scraping around where I've fitted the barriers, and noise at night apparently: brer badger trying to get back in.

Then this week I found a newly dug, foot deep hole just in front of sett entrance four ( I have numbered them all for clarity) - it amounts to a very serious attempt to get back in. So I was up at the site on Wednesday with my arm shoulder deep up a badger hole (oo-er - or giggity for our younger readers) trying to find out where it ended and if it indeed connected anywhere with the sett. It didn't. So, for now, the operations are ongoing.

I've soft blocked the hole so I can see of they've had another go at it when I next visit. If all checks out I'll putting in a stronger block to keep them from extending their new hole.

I'm up against it time-wise as my license ends on November 30th so will have to be done by then. Getting some interest from my colleagues now, so really hope that I can continue.

The next step will be a presentation and a set of guidance notes for anyone else who wants to exclude badgers from a work-site under license.

in a hole: the badger


First off - clear vegetation round the hole if necessary, and then hammer in one way wooden gate which is spiked at the bottom (That's my able assistant in the photo)

Next - cut badger proof fencing to size and fit in place around the gate and sett entrance.

Wire firmly to gate

This is the finished arrangement around one of the setts.

The site in this case is a railway embankment - a fairly steep incline and not at all easy to work on.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Enjoyable visit to the badger exclusion location this afternoon - met up with one of my female colleagues, and we chatted all the way back to Marylebone Station.

Over weekend I spent thinking too much about the past and getting upset.

cycled in today - bit cold but sunny. Listening to Dazzle Ships and Dare. Just realised what a great song "Open Your Heart" is. still sends shivers down my spine.

Put in some info for the biodiversity session in two days time though I do not intend to be there.

some sort of incident by st Pauls today - a chemical spill apparently with one person taken to hospital. Sounds dodgy to me - maybe its the start of a zombie outbreak. I'd better get tooled up.

Rogue State America - video

24 hours in Iraq

order to torture

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Week's over and I'm shattered. Only managed two days of cycling this week, but it was good to be back on the saddle. Shattered because - partly stress of being told I might be out of a job second winter running; and partly becasue of Wednesday which started extra early - 5am alarm - so I could get to Rickmansworth by 9.00 am. At Rickmansworth I had to brief management on the correct procedure for ensuring noise control, and then out to the lineside location where badgers have been tunneling under the railway.

Finally, finally! The day has arrived for me to install the gates - setting them to one way only - and putting in enough infrastructure to ensure that the little stripey bastards* can't get back in. It's all legal by the way - I have a license issued by Natural england for this work.

It was hard work. I had a guy doing the physical work for me - and I assisted him as best I could, while also giving him direction, and supervising him. The setts are halfway up a steep embankment so it was hard-work just keeping standing. By end of afternoon we had three gates in place. Had to go back on Thursday for the last one, and then again Friday for the first inspection.

And after installing the three gates, I had to be back at the office for a little admin catch up followed by a visit to our depot near Earls Court for a two hour class on Track - or P-Way (permanent way). The first class was an overview.



* meant affectionately of course.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Bruce Anderson on New Orleans - looks like he's racist too

These extracts are from an article written by Anderson about New Orleans:


It seems he's a thoroughly obnoxious character; which is surprising as he looks so pleasant in his photographs.
As reported in Private Eye (No. 1129, P.4) :

"Bruce "Brute" Anderson recently penned a flattering if somewhat barmy book review in the Spectator. The book in question, The New English Kitchen by Spectator cook Rose Prince, got high praise from the Brute - but then the review went off at a peculiar tangent.

"The Orcadian piss-pot spent paragraph after paragraph praising Lord Salisbury (aka Lord Cranborne) and his pig-breeding enterprise.

"Why so? Because over the new year Anderson gatecrashed a Salisbury family holiday in Italy and infuriated them so much with his boorish drunken behaviour that he was barred from the house. Despite much banging on doors and several pleading phone calls, the resolute Salisburys refused to let the odious Brute back in.

"Anderson is running short of grandees whose hospitality he can abuse: only a few months ago the Eye revealed a hideous incident which earned him a lifetime ban from Lord Hesketh's house in Northamptonshire. Will shameless brown-nosing in the Spectator get him back on the Salisbury guest list?"

"America is founded on work, responsibility and law. This is no more important item in the Bill of Rights than the unwritten one: that each and every American has the right to work his butt off. That is the basis of another right: this year shall be better than the last year and next year will be better than this year.
Not in New Orleans: that city is founded on laziness, irresponsibility and lawlessness."

"Large numbers of the descendents of the involuntary immigrants have spurned every opportunity to invest in the American dream. It's as if they regard the work ethic as tainted, because it was imposed on their forebears by slavery."
"I suspect that at least 90 percent of the looters were from one-parent families."
"The decisions which doomed New Orleans were taken years before Bush became President, including the one to build the city in the first place."
His one excuse would have to be mental illness. Or maybe he's just joking.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I Dream of Zombies

Another dream about zombies last night - or this morning. I dreamt I was with S in our house and we were warned that zombies were attacking. Various people came in to the house, and my dream to make the outside events more real, describing their first hand experiences. We decided that staying indoors was the best approach, though it might leave us vulnerable. Then I decided I needed to go outside for something - and it was something mundane like groceries.

Outside - S came with me - there was surprisingly little going on. I did see someone getting bitten held against the wall by a zombie who was also featsing on his neck, blood spurting against the wall behind. I backed off and kept going.

We took things fairly leisurely considering - always aware that a zombie might arrive at any moment, we were ambling about in the open. found a little tucked away place with a bench and sat down, and this was a really stupid place to hang around in. I had my little Jack Russell with me who tried to wander off, but s grabbed him and pulled him back.

eventually it was my sister, Zombified, who attacked us. she came round the corner and was upon us, hunched over and terrifying, ready to pounce, though slow in the romero idiom. Quite right! I grabbed a poker that was just lying about as did S and we smashed her head in. Or at least I swung the poker at her head and woke up.

Later went back into dream and learned that zombies were being killed faster than they could infect the living. eventually it was safe again though I did see another one and had to rush to get back into my car before calling the police to deal with it.

Wow!! I love zombie dreams, buit this one was just a little too real for comfort, though with a happy ending which was nice.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Haunted House Dream

I always get these in times of heightened anxiety. I become scared of my surroundings; and in the dream this translates as a haunted house; the sublimation of all my waking fears distilled into an easyt o understand story book horror. When I was living alone in my and S's property - the one we own - the feelings from my haunted house dreams started to leach out into real life, and especially at night, I became afraid, literally, of the house I was living in; I began to no longer be able to distinguish dreams from real life, especially in the dead of night. Only a couple of quite bizarre events occured - the lightbulb turning on and off by itself one night freaked me out. This was a lightbulb on the ceiling of the top floor, near no known water sources, and on a dry evening. I had considered that a water leak either from a pipe from from a hole in the roof might be to blame. On another night S saw somehting peering in at us. she was reluctant to say much but was surprised I couldn't see it. And she did say "it" which I found particularly chilling.
After that fear set in and I couldn't wait to get away from that house and back to my real home. The decorating works I was engaged in not only took my mind off things but hastened the day I could move out and go back home full time again.

The people living in there now haven't reported any problems so I assume it was a figment of my own gradually disintegrating grip on reality.

The hous in my dream was where at first i lived alone. It was cottagey, detached, might have been a bungalow, in quite poor repair and looked, welll, just... wrong. I went through the front door reluctantly, and when nothing happened I was pleasantly surprised. I looked at the wallls expecting something to come out of them, but nothing happened. then I saw through some glass, S, with two kids who were my sons. I have no sons. they ran to greet me and I tossed one up into the air like dads do with their kids.

S looked blank though - her hatred of me was clear - and this has been a continuing theme in my dreams of recent weeks. in the past I've dreamt of her being really fucking angry with me, and being very loving. Now she's being indifferent, or absent, but the anger was there in this dream.

In subsequent scenes there was my mother in law artifically distressing my brand new table and being helped my my two - daughters - distressing? I'd say wrecking but then my M-in-law does so much prefer the countrified lived in look. so the boys had changed genders now, but there were still two of them. The house was a proper old cottage now and falling apart. I was renevating it. One whole wall had come down and there was scaffolding up instead. the drainage had reached crisis point and I discovered that two walls inside were being held up by the wallpaper alone. But the ghost was gone, to be replaced by family and the problems of house-owning.

so - I'm at a crossroads - it's confront my ghosts or knuckle down and get my family back.

Bugger!!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I think I might be going nuts. Every night now I dream about my estranged wife S, and usually wake up crying, sometimes screaming softly. Last night for example I dreamt I went to the area where my wife lives and tried to see her, or sense her presence in some way.
I was walking streets and seeing the familiar landscape – not at all like the actual part of London where she lives, in my dreams there were hills, rows and rows of terraced house, much like the part of Plymouth where I grew up in fact.
I found myself suddenly in a packed residents’ meeting in a small lecture theatre. A former neighbour recognised me and asked me what I was doing there. I decided to walk out and disturbed everyone on the back row trying to get out, and then down the steps. Outside I was in the grounds of S’s mansion block. I decided to walk past S’s flat. And then through the window I saw a large mirror, and in the mirror I saw my cat, lounging on some furniture, in the sun, all stretched out and happy. Then in a different mirror I was the back of a red-haired head, female, thought it was S, and then it wasn’t. I kept walking until I was walking away from the mansion block.
I kept walking, all day, into the evening. Everytime I felt I was catching up with S she seemed to slip away. Walking down a hill I saw a woman wearing a long black coat, in silhouette with a teenage child next to her. It was S and K. Only when I reached them they had gone separate ways and neither were who I thought they were.
A previous dream – about two weeks ago – S turned up in a white dress, like an angel – or maybe it was a gown. She seemed holy, touching me when i needed reassurance and giving me the look that expressed limitless love. Then I noticed she had a baby with her. It was silent and unmoving, though conscious and aware, when I saw it’s face. Then we parted ways. It was lovely. I was bathed in love. Then I woke up crying.

Later that day S told me someone in the family had had a miscarriage. What I saw in my dream was S dressed as death, carrying the dead baby to it’s afterlife. Spooky!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

That was a bad week for me. First the strike on Monday when I was being strongly pushed towards working in a station as strike cover on Monday evening. Three reasons I didn;t want to do this: 1. it's strike-breaking 2. most stations where i could work are the wrong side of the Thames or further into central London than my normal work station, and not somewhere I'd want to be trying to get home from after 10.00 at night; and 3.I needed time to prepare for giving advice to a works manager on how to achieve best practise on noise control, so as to avoid receiving complaints from our neighbours.
Anyway - managed to wriggle out of doing it on Monday but nearly scuppered myself for starting nights as I ended up having to work late on Monday anyway as I went in late expecting to be doing station cover. I should have said no last Friday and stuck to it!

Did the night - in the Kilburn area - and all went very well. The manager there seems very receptive to the ideas I gave him, but feels unsupported. I said I'd see if I could change that.

Then very groggy on Wednesday but managed to get to north east London for another night this time inspecting storage and waste facilities at two depots in the area and then working in the office until first train at 05:15. Nearly falling asleep on train, with only Phil Jupitus podcast keeping me awake at all, and then slept most of the day at home before going back to work on Friday.

Needless to say my temper and ability to function normally was severely frayed, if not, shattered completely. Had a very bad experience travelling home from work on friday evening and still feel a sense of hightened stress and very very tired.

Will go to bed early on Sunday evening and hope for the best on Monday.

Friday, August 20, 2010

A Little Essex Jaunt

This was the beautiful sight that befell my eyes as I reached the coast:


Along the coast, the Mods had arrived; look out it's the Ace Face, and it's Sting, and he's a twat:


Then I discovered the Naze Tower

Two lovely ladies served me int he shop - I had an ice-cream. Later, when I discovered that I had left my camera on the table, one of the lovely ladies, Michelle, posted me my camera back.

If you're reading - thanks again!

Then there's no more pictures!

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

It's Happened

After all the anti fox madness, some of which I've talked about on this blog, foxes are now being killed as a result.

Click on the title for BBC news article.

A group calling itself Urban Foxhunters has been condemned by animal rights campaigners after posting a video on the internet purporting to show a fox being clubbed to death with a cricket bat in an east Londonpark.

oooh you brave and selfless people....or vicious, brainless twats as I prefer to call you.

He defended the group's actions, saying: "We will not be intimidated by the crazies.

Because bludgeoning defenceless wild animals to death in the park is definitely what sane people do. Yup.

"People in Hackney are at far greater risk from people wielding cricket bats than they are from urban foxes."

Monday, August 02, 2010

Goodbye Dave

An old fried of mine had just died. I was phoned by his sister earlier today, the funeral's next week. I'd known Dave Murrill since 1985. We were on the same degree course and remained friends ever since. In the 90s Dave tried to make a go of performing music, and his band, The Siegfrieds performed mainly in the Watford area for a few years, even obtaining a residency at one point. The band split, but Dave carried on writing and playing music for the rest of his life.
Cheers Dave - hope there's enough music for you wherever you are now.




Cat, Struck by a Car

May have saved a cat's life yesterday. Poor little thing was lying by the side of a dual carriageway with its head buried in its paws. I was cycling along by the side of the very busy road, and thought, oh no, dead cat - it always upsets me as I'm a cat owner myself. It didn;t move when I approached it. A woman driving by had seen it too and had pulled over but she knew nothing about cats. I saw it's ear move, it was breathing, and finally it lifted its head to look at me. It looked like it had no energy to move. I was worried about moving it, and seriously concerned about what injuries the cat might have suffered which would suddenly become obvious after I picked it up. Anyway - the woman brought a towel to pick it up with - a sensible precaution in case a cat decides to panic and use its claws. I went to pick the cat up, and it moved, though the woman stopped it. I picked it up, wrapped in the woman's towel, and gave her advice on where to take the cat. I handed to cat over to the womans young daughter and advised her on how to hold the cat - not too tight - but not to let it struggle too much or get free. The cat mewed pathetically though I don't think it was in terrible pain, more shocked and frightened. It could still walk which was a good sign. They drove off and an hour later the woman phoned me to say that she'd taken it to a local vet and they were going to treat it and try to trace its owner. Good news I hope, though I will never know the outcome.

Oliver Stone

I listened to this interview on the Mark Kermode 5 Live podcast. while I think Oliver stone's films are awful - over-long, silly and preachy - his views on Chavez and Latin american politics, in general, seem pretty sound, especially for an American. He seems to be echoing Chomsky when talking about the double standards we apply to Latin American leaders, with reformers being held to a much higher standard, and the west jumping on every little thing that goes wrong even if there's no pattern of human rights abuse, and literacy has gone through the roof, the worst poverty has been mostly removed, and Chavez remains insanely popular among the poor. This to America and the right wing in Venezuela spells "dictator" - ie, someone so popular that you cannot remove them even with all the press under your control and by rigging elections. Democracy to those people are controllable leaders and fixable elections. They've tried to remove Chavez once - who knows what elese they will try. However, removing Chavez now is unlikely to stop the new left in Latin America which has already burst through national boundaries. The American empire is, at last, on the wane.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

originally posted on Angels - a forum for trans people

Hi - I'm new on Angels Forum. I too took part in the Great Drag Race on Saturday. I left my house in south east London dressed as Lizzie - black tiered dress, lace tights, and high heel boots, with a yellow trench coat on over the top - full "au naturelle" make up and a pair of shades as I'm not too hot with putting the eye make-up on yet.

It was at first nerve racking having never been out in daylight dressed before. It was a bit windy too - so had the double hazard of wig blowing off and skirt blowing up - especially going across London Bridge where I had to hold onto it like a hat - not a good look.

Anyway - walked to my local station - not too many people about. Got some looks from the few that were about, though no comments.
Had to cross one main road - and as I got there the traffic cleared and I crossed without having to wait. Passed a woman who completely ignored me. Then to the train station - my confidence building by now - bought a ticket from the machine - thank god for automation! Crossed the bridge and stood on platform - skirt blowing around my lace stockinged legs. On the train I sat hid in a corner and buried my face in a paperback. Maybe I was worrying too much.

Then came the really stressful bit - for me - getting off at London Bridge - loads of people about even on a Saturday - I think I got outed by a dwarf with a megaphone when I walked past London dungeon...which made me smile.

I was going to walk to Liverpool Street but the crowds of tourists got to me so I dived onto the Central Line....only one stop...then got off at Liverpool street - bought ticket - got on train to London Fields. It was all starting to feel astonishingly normal.

More relaxed on this train . Sat at back with back to other passengers - a group of older people who seem not to have noticed me at all. Checked myself in the window reflection - I was worried about the affect the wind and the heat on the tube which was causing me to sweat a little was having on my look. But appeared to be fine.

Then I was at Hackney - found a park bench as I was early for event and sat and watched. Most people who passed me looked at me - I had my shades on so I'm guessing they weren't sure where I was looking. At one point all the council park workers came and stood next to me and talked about their jobs - one guy looked at me a couple of times.

Then the event started - I registered. Realised that I'd forgotten to get cash and had to walk up Hackney high Street to get cash - joined queue with about 10 people in it. black girl in front of me kept looking at me....but noone else seemed to care.

Then I started getting complements.Women told me how good I looked. I was worried it was too good. Most of the guys there had gone for the full on drag look and hadn't even shaved. I'd shaved everything off even the arm hair...and my legs even though I never actually got them out on the day. I only saw one other guy who'd gone for the natural look as I had - and that was - guess who?

I did switch to trainers for the run. Didn't exactly exceed at the running I'm afraid - but at least I tried....the blisters prove that. I'm going to get fit for next year.

Then I spent the next hour or two wandering around still in my dress and wig, drinking beer, and allowing myself to be complemented by lovely ladies.

Some guys wore their dresses to the pub but I didn;t want to seem too keen in case someone sussed me - I think some did anyway - women can be very perceptive. Now I wish I'd gone all the way and kept it on right till the end.

But I will be back next year - in the meantime Lizzie's going to get out more - and at next year's Gt Drag Race I might just camp it up a bit.

My fund-raising website is going to stay up till next year - gradually putting a few piccies up there.
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundrai ... orgythecat

Anyway - I am still very excited about Lizzie being out and about and resolute that she's staying out and about from now on.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Lib Dem Cracks

"Now the Lib Dem deputy leader has been on the Politics Show raising questions about the drastic cuts to the Building Schools for the Future programme.

I’m saying that it would be a nonsense to be taking money that could be used for improving existing schools, to create new schools where, on the ground, the will of the local community is for the existing schools to continue. So that’s a debate that’s going to continue.

Hydrocarbons in the air are more toxic than oil in the gulf...click to read more

It takes the smoggy Los Angeles region less than two days to match the pollution the Deepwater Horizon blowout produces in one, if you count the 4,740 tons per day of various emissions from combusted fossil fuel such as carbon monoxide, microscopic particles, and .

Worst-case estimates place the total oil spilled in the gulf at about 126 million gallons over two months. The Environmental Protection Agency estimates the country disgorges that much pollution to the air in 10 days.