Friday, September 17, 2010

Haunted House Dream

I always get these in times of heightened anxiety. I become scared of my surroundings; and in the dream this translates as a haunted house; the sublimation of all my waking fears distilled into an easyt o understand story book horror. When I was living alone in my and S's property - the one we own - the feelings from my haunted house dreams started to leach out into real life, and especially at night, I became afraid, literally, of the house I was living in; I began to no longer be able to distinguish dreams from real life, especially in the dead of night. Only a couple of quite bizarre events occured - the lightbulb turning on and off by itself one night freaked me out. This was a lightbulb on the ceiling of the top floor, near no known water sources, and on a dry evening. I had considered that a water leak either from a pipe from from a hole in the roof might be to blame. On another night S saw somehting peering in at us. she was reluctant to say much but was surprised I couldn't see it. And she did say "it" which I found particularly chilling.
After that fear set in and I couldn't wait to get away from that house and back to my real home. The decorating works I was engaged in not only took my mind off things but hastened the day I could move out and go back home full time again.

The people living in there now haven't reported any problems so I assume it was a figment of my own gradually disintegrating grip on reality.

The hous in my dream was where at first i lived alone. It was cottagey, detached, might have been a bungalow, in quite poor repair and looked, welll, just... wrong. I went through the front door reluctantly, and when nothing happened I was pleasantly surprised. I looked at the wallls expecting something to come out of them, but nothing happened. then I saw through some glass, S, with two kids who were my sons. I have no sons. they ran to greet me and I tossed one up into the air like dads do with their kids.

S looked blank though - her hatred of me was clear - and this has been a continuing theme in my dreams of recent weeks. in the past I've dreamt of her being really fucking angry with me, and being very loving. Now she's being indifferent, or absent, but the anger was there in this dream.

In subsequent scenes there was my mother in law artifically distressing my brand new table and being helped my my two - daughters - distressing? I'd say wrecking but then my M-in-law does so much prefer the countrified lived in look. so the boys had changed genders now, but there were still two of them. The house was a proper old cottage now and falling apart. I was renevating it. One whole wall had come down and there was scaffolding up instead. the drainage had reached crisis point and I discovered that two walls inside were being held up by the wallpaper alone. But the ghost was gone, to be replaced by family and the problems of house-owning.

so - I'm at a crossroads - it's confront my ghosts or knuckle down and get my family back.


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