Friday, October 14, 2011

Dream Diary - Please Ignore

I need to write my dreams down. If I don't I stop remembering them, almost as if my subconscious get's pissed off that I'm not paying it enough attention. I also like to identify  trends in my dreams. One thing I used to get a lot, and I know this is hardly unusual, is the dream about unprepared. It took several forms. One form was the exam dream, with no revision, and while taking the exam I suddenly realise I'm actually not sitting at a desk, but laying down in a bed with no clothes on. The next form which has been more prevelant of late is the turning up at college at the age I am now. Sometimes I hadn't finished my course the first time round, other times I was back to study something different. But the essential thing is always the same. I find myself in a complex building not knowing exactly where i should be, or even what I'm studying sometimes. As I seek out a copy of the timetable I find it just slightly out of my grasp all the way through the dream. And an even more evolved version involves me being at work in one of the various jobs I've had snce leaving Higher Education, and I'm unable to do the job. completely and utterly useless. I wake up pretty much sweating form those dreams, becasue that is how I fel most of the time when I am at work. Which begs the question, why do they keep me on and keep giving me pay rises. Beats me.
My dream today was a different type that I've come to know and love in the past decade or so. It is a dream that involves the supernatural. I've had these since I was very little, I can still remember one very traumatising dream I had as a young child where everyone around me, except one other child, appeared to have died from a plague. My parents left in fear, and left me behind in the house. I sought them out throughout the dreams, just walking the streets, being aware of some streets that had the plague, that I cold not cross. finally I met a boy my age and we talked, standing by the park, on the pavement. this bit seemed to go on for ever, and I told the other boy that I was just dreaming, which I think was a surprise even to me when I said it.
Occasionally I still dream I can fly. It used to be every dream, now it's just an occasional thing.
The supernatural dreams can come in various forms: zombies, vampires, ghosts. When I dream of ghosts I usually dream of haunted houses. When I lived in chislehurst I began mixing my recurring deams about ghosts in that house, with reality. I could wake up in the dea of night convinced that there was something in the room with me. These dreams can be absolutly terrifying. So it was with some relief that when I let the house out to my tenants three years ago, the dreams stopped. But since then, they have gradually been creeping back. this morning I dreamt I owned a cottage which I let a large number of people stay in. It felt weird walking about in it. It was cleealy haunted and it had that feeling which I simply cannot describe, which I feel in all my dreams, which tells me I should not be in that house. What has changed is that previously my haunted house dreams involved a house that could not be lived in, and usually involved me excaping it at some point, sometimes even demolishing it. Now I find I can live with my ghosts. In this dream all the ghosts did was push the taps around on the kitchen sink. I remember having a conversation with one of the people staying in my cottage, and telling him i used to be so much worse.
The other common element to the houses I dream of is that state of utter disrepair they are in. Sometimes I carry out renovation work in my dreams, other times, like today, I just imagine how I could renovate the property. this cottage let in all water. Whenever it rained all the water came in and ran down the insides of the walls. I was concernd about where I could store my books to keep them safe.
I've obviously got house and ghost related issues to work out in life, and yes I think dreams are more often than not, as literal as that. I deam about houses because I am worried about my house, and my homes, and my wife's home. I am also worried about my wife, and about my own future and all these can be represented by houses too. The ghosts? The fact that I allow things to get to me. I am slow to resolve problems and they can often come back to me or grow and grow until they are monsters. the ghosts are the problems have avoided, or dealt with in a half arsed way, and they tend to stick around to haunt me.
For me right now - money issues, tax payment and self assessment are due. I face bills on my property which I may not be able to meet. Also there's a few things at work I'm not dealing with properly. But t will pass. I will get my tax sorted out. I always do, once the message from the dreams, my subconscious, starts being understood.

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